My First Coach


I met the first life coach in my life after I had tried four therapists/counselors. I was in the middle of the divorce process. My husband (now ex) gave a pile of the document for divorce. I couldn’t even know why he did it to me. I, of course, was not prepared for this and was so scared and worried about the future. I could not accept this reality. I sought for help to find a way to get his love back and to maintain my life.

The counselors, honestly, didn’t give what I was looking for.

Counselors focus on patients’ past. Their job is to relieve or fix any unwanted behavior which is triggered by some trauma in the past. Their job is to discover the root of the problem.

Sure enough, the counselors I met asked my family history (especially if my parents have stayed together or divorced), what my childhood was like, if I had any mental trauma, etc. They asked questions about the past than the present.

What most bothered me was some recommended me to take an antidepressant for the lack of sleep and appetite. Some counselors said “You’ve shown some symptoms of depression. I can prescribe antidepressant for you.”

I refused and decided to not come back anymore.

I am not saying antidepressants are bad. Some people need them. But I believe some like me are not “patients.” I was not there to get those drugs. I sought for help to save my life.

Clearly, the counselors did not work for me.

My First Life Coach

I finally landed on a coach specialized in divorce. I have never met this coach in person. We only talked over the phone, but this woman played a significant role in my life and successfully escorted me to handle the turning point of my life. She did not ask me anything about the past: family structure, my occupation, my routines, and habits. She only asked me what I want.

“What can I do for you today?” she asked.

I replied, “I want to get my husband back. He gave me a pile of divorce document, but I don’t want it. I don’t know why he did it to me. I want to get him back…”

She said “You cannot change other people. What can I do for you?”

I lost a word. I was so disappointed at what she said. I had a big sigh and thought I again wasted time and money.

Followed by a short silence, she asked me this.

“What do you want? Do you want to be happy or do you want to keep the status quo?

I answered, “I want to be happy.”

“Ok. I can help for that.” She said.

We talked what I could do and what I believed I should do, then I did what we agreed to go and reported her.

I took four sessions from her. My reality was not changed but my view was changed. I noticed that something changed in me, and I started thinking as I may be able to go through this transition by myself.

To be honest with you, it does not mean my life bounced back immediately. I needed to discover what I want, how I could get it, what to do for every moment. It took a few years. But, I have been looking toward the future. Before coaching, I was chasing the past, crying every day for what I had lost, regretted, and could not face to the reality.

She never gave me advice. Always, she led me to think and decide.

I am surprised to myself that I came up quite far away now. I have not even imagined becoming a coach or starting my own business.

My life still has many obstacles. I still have time to feel down or weak. But it is not only me, and all of us face them. The best gift I could get after coaching is the skill to handle obstacles.

Life is short.

I cannot afford to waste any more time. I cannot just sit and still until the life obstacles pass. I want to use the time for important things.

Now I hope you know about a life coach. I am here to help you.










ある本をきっかけに、たどり着いたのが離婚専門のコーチ(divorce coach)だった。ライフコーチにも色々ある。彼女は離婚専門だった。


“What can I do for you today?”(どうしましたか?)

私:“I want to get my husband back. He gave me a pile of divorce document, but I don’t want it. I even don’t know why he did it to me. I want to get him back.”

“You cannot change other people. I cannot help for that. What can I do for you?”


“What do you want? Do you want to be happy or do you want to stay at where you are now?” (あなたは何を求めているのですか?幸せ?それとも今ある現状にとどまること?)

彼女は、”Ok. I can help for that.” (それなら力になれます)